The Three Hardest Words

We confuse confidence with competence, giving authority to those who pretend to know. Questions will lead you to the “hardest” yet most liberating three words for any leader.

One recurring joke on Twitter is this:

2020: Everybody is a pandemic expert.

2021: All of a sudden everybody is a Crypto, NFT, and Metaverse expert.

2022: As it happens, people turned into war and Ukraine experts.

2023: Overnight, people became AI experts. Want to get the 10 best ChatGPT prompts?

2024: … [Many new experts will be born.]

🏴‍☠️

It’s funny. At the same time, it’s sad because it holds an unsettling truth.

The rise of confidence

At some point, we confused confidence with competence. 

We are taught that leaders need to be decisive. Take action. Now! We admire those that do. 

Immediacy and decisiveness shine a spotlight on those who are confident, even if they screw up royally. 

No wonder, wannabe experts now spout off on everything, hiding behind an illusion of wisdom.

But confidence isn’t competence. 

As the Dunning-Kruger effect shows, ignorance loves a microphone. 

Social media worsens it, amplifying the loudest, not the wisest. Confidence becomes authority, authority brings followers, followers bring more confidence.

This "confidence loop" creates an echo chamber of self-deception.

Everybody pretends to know. Nobody knows who does.

The outcome? Confusion reigns, and trust erodes.

The antidote to over-confidence

But this is not a post about the perils of social media or pointing fingers. 

Let's get real.

Remember that time you confidently spouted off, only to realize you were - well - wrong? We've all been there. 

So how do we break this cycle of misplaced certainty?

The antidote to over-confidence is asking questions.

A profound question rarely comes with an answer and then just stops.

A profound question creates more questions, which in turn create even more questions.

Just like that, it can lead you on a wondrous journey.

Sure, answers can be useful for a moment, but it's the next question that pushes you forward.

To explore. 

To seek. 

To discover.

And somewhere along this curious path, you might encounter an eye-opening paradox.

You will end up in the place of "I don't know".

“I don’t know”

For a leader, “I don’t know” are the three hardest words.

Why? Because admitting it feels like weakness. It opens you up to judgment. Makes you look… un-leaderly. 

So you fake it, pretend you know. 

But here's the truth. 

“I don’t know” is not some meek apology or a cop-out. It's a power move in disguise. A giant ‘middle finger’ to the BS. A sign you're comfortable not having all the answers. 

Because guess what? The more you know, the more you realize how much you don't know. 

The truly competent leaders are drowning in questions, not answers.

So, who do you follow? The loudmouths with their "sure things," or the ones who admit they're still figuring it out?

"I don't know" isn't laziness, it's curiosity in action. It opens the door to real learning, not just winning a battle in an internet argument. It's the first step to actually understanding something, not just pretending you do.

So next time you feel the pressure to spout off, remember: true strength lies in knowing your limits. 

Say "I don't know" with conviction. 

It's an invitation to engage in genuine learning, unencumbered by the constraints of ego or agenda. It's the most honest, productive thing you can do.

Why? 

First, it leads to genuine learning and new insights, not just confirming biases. 

Second, it breaks the "we've always done it this way" trap, and opens the door to new and better solutions. 

Third, your team will respect your authenticity. They will follow because they want to, not because they have to. Nobody connects with a fake leader.

Finally, you will set an example to your team: It’s okay to ‘not know’. 

A testament that you are comfortable in the unknown.

You will figure it out. 

Together.

🏴‍☠️

Be kind,

Manuel